Enough!

lion-roaringLast week a friend of mine finally put her foot down.

After years of being mistreated and taken advantage of, she finally said one of the most empowering and important words in the English language:

ENOUGH!

After we exchanged several congratulatory emails and virtual high-fives, I had some time to reflect on her situation, and I was reminded of other times when I or other people I know finally said, “Enough!” — whether it was by leaving an abusive relationship, quitting a soul-crushing job, or setting healthy boundaries in any other way.

I was also reminded of Nietzsche’s parable of the three metamorphoses, which (in very paraphrased/summarized form) goes something like this:

A camel obligingly carries a heavy load into the desert. There, the camel turns into a lion, asserting its will and its freedom, shaking off the burdens that have weighed it down. Only then does the lion become a child — a being of innocence and playful creativity.

In short: the camel says yes, the lion says no, and the child also says yes. But the child’s yes is a “holy yes” — far different from the beast of burden’s submission.

Nietzsche uses this parable to represent the transformation of the spirit, but we can also look at it in terms of everyday personal growth:

Oftentimes (perhaps with the aim of people-pleasing or simply not rocking the boat), we put up with whatever others impose upon us. We allow unscrupulous bosses, selfish so-called “friends,” or inconsiderate strangers to pile their burdens (and issues and unreasonable demands) on us. But at a certain point, like the transforming camel, we’ve had enough. At some point, someone tries to load us up with the proverbial last straw that breaks the camel’s back.

And at that point, we roar! We say, “No! Enough!” We find our leonine strength. We set boundaries.

This stage doesn’t always go over so well with everyone. Not everyone will enjoy your newfound strength, power, and self-assertion. Some people may wonder what happened to sweet little old you — the submissive one.  They might long for the good old days when you uncomplainingly went along with their agenda rather than asserting your own will. They may be threatened — as people often are by roaring lions! They might even call you names that I don’t care to dignify in print.

Claiming your power and setting personal boundaries may not always look so pretty from the outside, but it’s a healthy, critical part of our development. However, it’s not the final stage of development. Only after asserting the leonine No! can we return to a childlike Yes! — a yes that welcomes, wonders, laughs, and creates.

So, getting back to my self-assertive friend: I am so excited for this new development in her life. But I think that, ultimately, the most exciting part of this stage won’t be her “roar” (however empowering and called-for it was), but what comes next — in other words, what she’ll do with all of this newfound energy — all of the energy that she’d previously expended in bearing the burdens placed on her by others, the energy that she recently expressed in saying, “Enough!”, the energy that is now available to her to create, dream, and live with childlike innocence.

Yes, this is the stage I am most excited to witness — to see her approach life with open arms and an open heart — to embrace life with a joyful, resounding YES!

In what area(s) of your life do you feel called to set healthier boundaries — to say, “Enough!”? What burdens have you been carrying that you’d like to shake off? How good and empowering would that feel? What might you be able to do or create with all that freed-up energy? When will you take your next step in this process?

Photo by Martin Pannier.

2 thoughts on “Enough!

  1. Hi Dan,
    I’ve recently gone through a transformation (and still am) where I am learning to set boundaries and free up new energy. I never thought of energy as literal energy…something I can use for other things. I’m just learning how to use this energy for creativity and being present. Being present used to be rare for me, as I would be in my head most of the time. Anyway, this post made me think about the long stretch of road I’ve been on—the endless burdens I’ve carried, and now, the roaring of freedom, and finally, being myself.

    • Leah, so wonderful that you’re using your freed-up energy for being present and being creative — especially because I’ve gotten so much enjoyment from your creativity — including Cosette’s Tribe (Leah’s powerful novel, for those who haven’t read it…yet!). I’m looking forward to see what other forms of creative output come from your additional energy and freedom as you drop some (or most or all) of the burdens you’ve carried — and most of all, as you say, knowing that this will allow you to truly be yourself! Great to hear from you! Stay in touch! 🙂

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